Synopsis Critique Seminar #1

After watching writer's struggle with synopsis writing, I decided to start Synopsis Critique Seminars where I post my critiques of the first half of writer's synopsis. Today I have my very first critique of Ashley's YA urban fantasy synopsis. A huge thank you to Ashley for being brave enough to share her synopsis critique with the world. I hope everyone finds these helpful for their own synopsis writing. If you are interested in getting a free critique on my blog please see this post.

As a preface, I will say tend to write lots of comments, ask questions, and try to include examples to explain what I'm talking about and help spur the writer. Since writing is so subjective it is important to note that this is one person's opinion/critique and the writer shouldn't feel obligated to use all or even any of the advice if they feel it doesn't resonate with them and their story.

Without further ado, here is my critique of Ashley's synopsis. My comments are in blue.

Right off the bat, she uses present tense, which is a good way to actively engage the reader in the story. Regardless of what tense your story is in, it's best to use present tense in a synopsis to highlight the action/excitement in the story and draw the reader into the plot.

Adam Shelley usually the first time a new character is introduced in a synopsis you put their name in all CAPS EX: ADAM SHELLEY is sick enough to spit tacks. While the first sentence made me sit up straight and take notice, I found it a little confusing. I can’t tell if he’s actually sick or just sick of something. Based on the next sentence it sounds like sick of being nagged, so maybe consider combining the thoughts in the first and second sentences to get the extra detail to really grab attention without confusing the reader. His Nana keeps riding his ass about the hordes of angry demons chasing him. Which is crap, because demons aren’t real. These last two sentences really help paint a better picture of Adam’s situation and have good voice. Also since this is YA I’d recommend adding Adam's age in the first paragraph.

Too bad his alchemist mom never told him about the devil’s deal she made— and broke— for a Philosopher’s Stone. While this first sentence has some voice I’d consider rewording it a bit to focus the situation from Adam’s perspective since he is the focus. Something like But Adam's mother made a deal with the devil to... (although I'd avoid the cliche I just put in there) After this part I was a little confused, did she break the deal to obtain a philosopher’s stone? And if so maybe a little bit more detail as to what she traded and how this is really going to affect Adam.  Otherwise, Adam might’ve thought twice before chucking his magical ‘mojo’ bag into the river. This last sentence confused me a bit. Adam doesn’t know there are demons but he does know about magic? And I’m not sure what getting rid of magic has to do with the deal his mother made, so if you can connect the two events I think that will help clear up the confusion. Although I’m not sure this sentence is necessary for advancing the plot and you may be able to cut it.

When the demons come to collect, they strew Adam’s guts over the southern oaks like tinsel. What are the demons coming to collect from Adam? And did they really scatter his guts or is that a figure of speech? Sometimes with fantasy and scifi it’s hard to tell literal from metaphorical so try to be as specific as possible. His house is destroyed. His mom is vaporized. The demons probably probably or do? If he isn’t sure maybe say something more like and all clues point to the demons running off with the stone. have the Philosopher’s Stone. And Adam... This reads like the demons have Adam but based on the next paragraph I think you mean that Adam died. If he dies and comes back to life I’d say that because it’s really interesting. Especially since his mom never told him he was immortal!  

By this point I’d also like to have a good idea what Adam’s conflict in the story is. I know he’s just discovered this whole demonic world and that his mother has lied to him, but what is Adam’s overall goal/conflict in the story? Why is Adam’s story so important and what is he trying to do?

Adam isn’t dead. His mom used the Elixir of Life to make him Immortal.

Now he’s caught in the crossfire between the demons and the Immortal Council, rulers of the Spirit World, who fear the Philosopher’s Stone could alter the balance between Heaven and Earth. Here’s the conflict I was looking for. Everything up until now seems like story setup. It’s important to know, however I think you are taking a tad too long to get to this point. So if you can set the story up in one paragraph with 3 or maybe 4 snappy sentences then get to this conflict you will have more time to explain the conflict and how Adam is going to try to resolve it. The Council grants Adam one-thousand days to retrieve the Stone or suffer eternal confinement in Hell. YIKES! This sets up his mission really well, and gives the stakes of the situation if he fails. Nice job!

With his days numbered, Adam and his brother, Nathan, NATHAN embark on the quest a quest to do what? Maybe just say set out to find the stone. That way there is no confusion on what they are doing. alongside their friend, Lilith, and her dad. This is a place where a little more transition would be helpful. So they start their quest, where do they begin? How’s it going? Then we can get to this Halloween party and see why Adam might need some normalcy and doesn’t really get it. But when Adam goes to a Halloween party desperate for some normalcy, a psychotic chemistry teacher finds him in the woods, completely wasted. Why is it important that the chem teacher finds him wasted? The hideously scarred man, Dr. Allan, proves Adam’s blood has the power to turn base metals to gold. Is Dr. Allan the chem teacher? If so introduce him in the previous sentence when he first appears. Also I’m not sure how we got from being found in the woods to his blood. Help connect the pieces for the reader. Just like a Philosopher’s Stone. <- This is really cool!

Adam believes this crackpot chemistry teacher is his key to finding the Stone, so he enlists Nathan and Lilith to investigate him during a basketball game. This is a good next step, a little more detail might help, flush the story out a little more, what makes him think this? What they learn changes everything.<- I’d delete this sentence. It doesn’t tell the reader anything and is taking up space. It’s much better to say what they learn and therefore this shows what is about to change. Dr. Allan is Adam and Nathan’s estranged father. This is a great point for a big reveal. Nice job not holding anything back.

Adam isn’t sure who to trust isn’t sure who or isn’t sure if he can trust his estranged dad? and with no clue where the demons are hiding grows increasingly more moody. I’m not sure you need to tell us Adam is moody, I think saying that he doesn’t know who to trust and doesn’t know where to look for the demons shows that he is frustrated. I think that’s enough. After Lilith’s dad is poisoned at basketball practice, a demon reveals Dr. Allan sold them out. Here’s another place where you jumped a little bit too far ahead in the story. What’s the important piece here that propels the story. That Dr. Allan sold them out. So in order to connect that, can you show that Adam trusted Dr. Allan and then show the betrayal which I’m guessing is poisoning Lilith’s dad. They’ve who is they? The demons? taken Adam’s girlfriend hostage and demand he turn himself over. Uh oh things are looking pretty grim for Adam. I’m assuming they did this to flush out Adam for their own purposes? If you can give a little insight here into the antagonists motivations that might help show how bad things really are for Adam. Adam doesn’t understand why. He was supposed to be after them, not the other way around. I’d cut these last two sentences. I don’t think they add to the overall progression of the story.

From here, Ashley continues on to explain how the book ends as any synopsis should. But for the sake of not spoiling the end of the story, she's requested that I not post the final paragraphs.

A few things that I noticed with this synopsis:

• Ashley did a good job of setting up her story and showing Adam in his world. It could however, be tightened a little to give her more space to talk about the conflict and story. 
• She did a great job of sharing important details in the story and didn't hold back. Overall, she's got the all important plot points in her story identified, which is the hardest part when writing a synopsis. Now if she flushes them out a bit more the reader will really have a good understanding of the full picture and Adam's conflict.
• She had good voice. Synopsis often read really bland and sometimes seem like the writer is saying "and then this happens and then that happens." This synopsis didn't do that which is great.
• Ashley does a good job of explaining Adam's conflict and giving the stakes. What he has to do, the time frame he has and what happens if he fails his mission. All important points to include in a synopsis.

Thanks again to Ashley for sharing her synopsis and critique. Feel free to post additional feedback you might have for her, but remember to keep it respectful. This is a learning experience for all.

I hope everyone found this helpful and I hope to have another critique soon.

The Perfect Pitch?

Unfortunately there is no such thing as the perfect pitch. Even worse, how do you boil all the awesome going on in your book into a query, or something shorter like a 35 word pitch. The short answer? You don't. You can't include every cool detail. You also can't answer every possible question asked. That's what the book is for. So how do you know what to include and what to toss?

The first question to ask yourself is what is the single most unique part of your book? What makes you book different from all the other ones out there with similarities? If you've found that bit then you have the basis for your pitch. Why start here? Because the point of your pitch is not to tell every little detail and plot point but to intrigue the reader, make them want to know more about your book.

From the unique piece, you can start crafting. Build outward from there. With that unique part, you should be able to tie to at least one important piece of your pitch, your inciting incident, your conflict, and/or your stakes. Once you have a link you should be able to weave all the details together into your pitch. Make sure you include enough detail that you can follow a logical progression through all of these things without leaving holes or too many confusing questions. But you also don't want so much detail that you are giving away your entire book or overloading the reader. Find the balance.

Now that you have a pitch, see what kind of questions people are asking about it. Questions aren't always a bad thing. Your reader should be asking questions after a pitch but they shouldn't be ones driven by confusion. They should want to know more about your story. Hopefully you planted a seed that makes them want to read and learn more about your book. So don't worry about trying to squeeze in every detail. Find what reels in the reader and ditch the rest.

Obviously a query is going to have more detail than a logline or short pitch but if you focus on the unique hook of your story first, that should help you bring in just enough detail to weave a great pitch.

What helps you construct your pitches?

Murphy's Laws of Writing

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And I'm not just talking about the bad things you do to your characters. Welcome to writing! Murphy is a little pain in the rear and he will strike when you least expect it! So make sure you learn his laws as they apply to writing.

Murphy's Laws of Writing:

1.) You come up with a really cool idea... YAY shiny... only to discover it's been done a million times. Not so shiny anymore is it?

 

2.) After making a command decision to take your story in a certain direction, you commit the words to your draft. Only then does a better scenario present itself.

3.) You write in a side character only to later discover you don't need him/her.

4.) Halfway through a draft you'll learn something really valuable about your characters and/or plot that would have helped you from page one.

 5.) You give advice to a critique partner and days/weeks later discover that you should listen to yourself more often.

6.) That line you thought was really cool... yeah now you're cutting it. Either that or you're making it completely unrecognizable in edits. 

7.) You'll write something absolutely brilliant. The next day you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking.

8.) Find/replace is your best friend... until you realize it's become your worst nightmare.

9.) Corners aren't just for bad children. They're for plots too!

10.) Writer's block is not a myth. It's a reality. And it will strike at the most inopportune time. Especially when you have a deadline.

BONUS: After you send a query/manuscript to an agent/editor you'll find a typo, several if it's a manuscript.

Have any others? Feel free to add them in the comments.

Am I the exception?

The short answer is no your aren't the exception to the rule. So how do you know if that writing advice directly applies to you and your manuscript? Odds are it does. However, there are times you may want to ignore that tip. But should you?

When it comes to writing and subjectivity there is no quick yes or no answers, but there are some things you can ask yourself to see if you should make use of that tip.

1.) Are you doing it deliberately?
If you are making a conscious decision to ignore a writing rule and you know why you are choosing to do so, you might be the exception. MIGHT. However, just because you are aware of what you are doing doesn't mean it puts you in that small percentage. Make sure you check with your critique partners as well as people who aren't familiar with your work to see if your choice works. Ask yourself if making that choice really makes your writing stronger.

2.) Does it fit your character/setting/plot/story?
Think about the rule and how it will affect your characters/setting/plot/story. Does this rule honor those things or does is seem contradictory. If the rule seems to ruin an important aspect of your story you might consider ignoring that writing advice.

A good example of this is grammar in dialogue and thoughts. Not everyone speaks properly or is grammatically correct all the time. So there may be situations where you would ignore the rules of grammar. But again, going back to number one, make sure if you break the rules, you are doing it deliberately and you know why.

3.) Is it part of your voice?
Consider the advice, and then look at the voice of your work. Try editing a section using the advice. Did your voice disappear or diminish or did your work get stronger? If it got stronger then you should definitely follow that advice but if you lost the essence of your voice then you may want to consider ignoring the rule.

4.) Are you happy with your work?
Above everything else you have to be happy with what you've written. If you don't like it, you can't expect other people to like it either. So do what feels right. Write the best story you can and don't stress too much over all the rules. You aren't going to follow every rule all the time. It's not possible. But don't blindly break the rules either. Even if you still aren't sure whether or not you are the exception (and sorry but you're still probably not), at least you are aware of what you did. Make the conscious decision to ignore that rule, and know why you need to deviate from traditional advice.

Does anyone else struggle with whether or not to follow certain pieces of writing advice? Is there a time you ignored a rule or writing advice and your work was stronger for it?

Finding the Strength

We all feel it-that nagging voice that tells us we aren’t good enough, that we have no idea what we’re doing, and that we’re wasting our time. That little voice, or even person, that says you can’t do this no matter what you do.

It sucks; especially when you want something more than breathing air.

So how do you pick yourself up and keep moving forward when you feel like you’re at the bottom of a million foot cliff with no way out?

Well, you have two options. You give up or you pick yourself up and find a way.

But how do you do that when your head keeps telling you how much you suck?

There’s been a lot of talk on the #keepgoing hashtag which is motivating writers to not give up. To do exactly that, KEEP GOING! It’s inspiring to see writers making it and achieving their goals. Even to see the difference one year makes.

Most of the time.

But sometimes those gremlins get in your brain and make you feel like you’re a slacker compared to the rest of the community, that you aren’t working as hard as the rest, and that you just can’t live up to everyone else.

You tell yourself you’re too fast, or too slow, or aren’t on the right path or any other host of things that eat at you from the inside out. You tell yourself you aren’t where you’re supposed to be.

I’ve got news for you…

THERE IS NO RIGHT PATH

YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU SHOULD BE

There’s only the path you are on and what works for you. Do what helps you learn and grow in the way that you need to in order to accomplish your goals.

Do what you have to do!

Plain and simple.

Find a support system, hone your craft, work at your own pace, and don’t give up. Only you know what’s right for you, so don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Have faith in yourself, and stick with it!

You Can’t Please Everyone… So Stop Trying!

Ever feel like you are being torn in two trying to please everyone? Yeah that’s me pretty much every day. And it seems to be happening more and more lately. Someone has hold of each of my arms and legs and they are just pulling until I’m busted at the seams.

Okay, well that’s really just a metaphorical me, but it seems like it’s happening with increasing frequency when it comes to my manuscript. One person says one thing, someone else says something completely contradictory, and my head is spinning so fast I look like I need an exorcism. But that’s the thing, just because someone gives you advice, doesn’t mean you are obligated to take it. It is merely that, advice, someone’s opinion.

Writing is so subjective. It’s often difficult to know what feedback to listen to and what to ignore. So how do you know if you are making the right decision? Because you can’t possibly please everyone.

But that’s just it. There is no right decision, at least not in the general sense of the phrase. There is only what is right for you and your story, and what your gut tells you. It’s so hard to follow your gut. But you and only you know your story best, so you have to be true to that. By all means take what resonates with you and let your story evolve. But at the end of the day, you have to be happy with your story first or no one else will. Everyone else will either choose to stand behind you or not. Revel in those that support your vision and don’t sweat the others. Because unfortunately you can’t please everyone, so stop trying!

Give yourself a break. You’ll be better off for it.

Why Each New Book Seems Harder to Write

I never thought the second book I would finish would be harder to write than my first. But now that I've started another draft and it's even more difficult than anything I’ve done before, I often wonder why writing more and more books seems to get harder rather than easier. Of course certain aspects are easier, I know what cliches to avoid, what words to stay away from, how to show not tell and basically how to avoid the "rookie" writing mistakes. But the actual writing of the book, the completion of the draft seems to get increasingly difficult. So I started to think about why that is and came up with the following reasons:

Constantly stretching oneself.

As writers we strive to do better. Our goals get bigger, which means we tend to take on harder more complex concepts as we go. And with those bigger goals the mind often struggles to keep up. We start to wonder if we are reaching too high, if we’ve gone outside the realm of our capabilities. If we are in over our heads. All these questions can cripple the writing process, which leads directly into the next issue…

Self-doubt.

The more we write, the more the brain starts to catch up. The worry increases. We wonder can I really do this again? What kind of mess have I gotten myself into this time? Even worse, we think the rest of the world will discover the truth about us—that we have no freaking idea what we are doing. How long can we really fake it, and when will someone stand there with their finger pointed at us saying haha I caught you? The whole idea is completely daunting. All the self-doubt then leads to undue…

Pressure.

Naturally the more we write the more we expect ourselves to improve. In fact, so do our critique partners and our readers. Constantly getting better is important but it's also exhausting. And the thoughts that we constantly have to be better creep into the mind when writing that first draft. Which makes it ever so difficult to write and even harder to finish. We as writers have to step back and re-allow ourselves to have shitty first drafts. We are allowed to suck, and once we remember that it relieves some of the pressure. But with that pressure also comes the drive to…

Strive for uniqueness.

They say every person has a book in them. And in many ways that first book is easy because the ideas just flow. Not that finishing is easy, in fact finishing my first book was the most difficult thing I’d ever done. But the more books we write, the more we have to pay attention to what we've done in the past, and continue to strive for something new and different. We don’t want to keep writing the same characters in new settings or new characters in the same situations that we've written about before. We want to write new characters with new stories and our readers want the same. We need to continue to push ourselves, but again it’s exhausting.

The good news is, we as writers aren’t alone. We all go through this. And once we diagnose the issues we are having, we can usually get right back into a draft. We can continue to better ourselves as writers and stretch our limits beyond what we thought possible.

So what are some of the things that make your writing more difficult and what do you do to carry on?