The Perfect Pitch?

Unfortunately there is no such thing as the perfect pitch. Even worse, how do you boil all the awesome going on in your book into a query, or something shorter like a 35 word pitch. The short answer? You don't. You can't include every cool detail. You also can't answer every possible question asked. That's what the book is for. So how do you know what to include and what to toss?

The first question to ask yourself is what is the single most unique part of your book? What makes you book different from all the other ones out there with similarities? If you've found that bit then you have the basis for your pitch. Why start here? Because the point of your pitch is not to tell every little detail and plot point but to intrigue the reader, make them want to know more about your book.

From the unique piece, you can start crafting. Build outward from there. With that unique part, you should be able to tie to at least one important piece of your pitch, your inciting incident, your conflict, and/or your stakes. Once you have a link you should be able to weave all the details together into your pitch. Make sure you include enough detail that you can follow a logical progression through all of these things without leaving holes or too many confusing questions. But you also don't want so much detail that you are giving away your entire book or overloading the reader. Find the balance.

Now that you have a pitch, see what kind of questions people are asking about it. Questions aren't always a bad thing. Your reader should be asking questions after a pitch but they shouldn't be ones driven by confusion. They should want to know more about your story. Hopefully you planted a seed that makes them want to read and learn more about your book. So don't worry about trying to squeeze in every detail. Find what reels in the reader and ditch the rest.

Obviously a query is going to have more detail than a logline or short pitch but if you focus on the unique hook of your story first, that should help you bring in just enough detail to weave a great pitch.

What helps you construct your pitches?

Query Kombat: Query + First Page

Welcome Query Kombatants. Here is my improved query and first page. Let me know what you think and I'm always happy to return the favor of a critique.

Title: THE ADVIERA ABDUCTIONS
Word Count: 61,000
Genre: Upper Middle Grade Science Fiction

Query:

When an alien race known as the Adviera abducts thirteen-year-old Gary Jones, they grant him the power of telekinesis. Unfortunately this cool new ability comes with a price. The Adviera believes Gary could be the key to saving their race. As they secretly groom him for their war effort, he is forced to undergo a rigorous training program alongside other abducted Earth kids with abilities.

Although Gary works closely with his alien trainer, Esther, he’s unprepared for the missions and simulated battles the Adviera force him into. If the alien council would stop changing their ridiculous demands, Gary might have a chance to perfect his ability before they thrust him into a situation he may not be able to survive. But his survival isn’t the only thing in jeopardy.

The Adviera war may be imminent, but Gary's focus remains on completing his service quickly so he no longer has to make up excuses for his unexplainable disappearances with the aliens. But the more time he spends fulfilling the council’s absurd requests, the more trouble Gary lands in with his mom, and the more jealous his best friend becomes of his ability. Gary doesn’t realize it, but if he fails the Adviera, they won’t be the only ones who will suffer from the upcoming war—the fate of humanity could also be at risk.

First Page:

Gary ran his hand through his shaggy, brown hair and risked a glance back at the living room window. His mother’s gaze pierced him long enough to send a shudder rippling through his spine before she turned from the window and disappeared. She looks like an angry gargoyle.  

His mom had scolded him countless times because he went looking for trouble. Gary, however, thought it was the opposite—trouble always found him. Although, exactly how he might step into some kind of mess while walking the dog, he had no clue.

He grabbed for his earbuds and shoved them into his ears. Bobbing his head to the thundering drums and crashing guitars, he stepped in synch with the music. Buster, his Golden Retriever, had other ideas and dragged Gary down the street as if on a mission. The dog stopped at a dimly lit street lamp near the end of the block, barked, and pulled hard on the leash. In an effort to hold him back, Gary grabbed Buster’s collar with his free hand.

“What is it, boy? What are you barking at?”

Gary looked around the darkening street. Despite the parked cars, no one was outside. Following Buster’s gaze, he found the cause of the disturbance—white lights floating across the sky.

“It’s just a plane. Come on.” He tried to yank the dog back toward the house. Buster planted his butt on the ground and whined.

“What’s wrong, boy?” Crouching down, Gary smoothed the golden fur on the dog’s head. “It’s okay, I promise.”

Hearing the soft whir of an engine, Gary tracked the lights drawing closer in the sky. They morphed into various shapes no longer looking like any plane he’d seen before, and the noise changed to a high pitched hum.

The Writer's Voice Entry

I was one of the lucky 150 to be selected to try for a spot in the agent round of The Writer's Voice. Below is my entry.

Query:
Dear Awesome Coaches,

When an alien race known as the Adviera abducts thirteen-year-old Gary Jones, they give him the power of telekinesis. Unfortunately this cool new ability comes with a price. The aliens insist Gary complete dangerous retrieval missions for them, alongside other Earth kids with abilities.

The Adviera believes Gary could be the key to saving their race and are secretly grooming him to lead their war effort. Too bad Gary just wants to complete his service to the aliens quickly, so he can use his power to exact revenge on the school bully. But if Gary fails them, it’s not just the Adviera who will suffer—the fate of humanity could also be at risk.

Although Gary works closely with his alien trainer, Esther, so he can learn to control his ability, he’s unprepared for the missions and simulated battles the Adviera force him into. If the alien council would stop changing their ridiculous demands, Gary might have a chance to perfect his ability before they thrust him into a situation he may not be able to survive.

THE ADVIERA ABDUCTIONS, complete at 60,000 words, is an Upper Middle Grade Science Fiction novel with series potential that blends Sky High and Ender’s Game, with butt-kicking aliens. I am a member of SCBWI and the St. Louis Writer’s Guild.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Jamie Krakover

First 250: 
No matter how far Gary ventured from home, he couldn’t escape his mother’s radar. She had scolded him countless times because he went looking for trouble. Gary, however, thought it was the opposite—trouble always found him. Although, exactly how he might step into some kind of mess while walking the dog, he had no clue.

Gary ran his hand through his shaggy, brown hair and risked a glance back at the living room window. His mother’s gaze pierced him just long enough to send a shudder rippling through his spine before she turned from the window and disappeared. She looks like an angry gargoyle.

He grabbed for his earbuds and shoved them into his ears. Bobbing his head to the thundering drums and crashing guitars, he stepped in synch with the music. Buster, his Golden Retriever, had other ideas and dragged Gary down the street as if on a mission. The dog stopped at a dimly lit street lamp near the end of the block, barked, and pulled hard on the leash. In an effort to hold him back, Gary grabbed Buster’s collar with his free hand.

“What is it, boy? What are you barking at?”

Gary looked around the darkening street. Despite the parked cars, no one was outside. Following Buster’s gaze, he found the cause of the disturbance—white lights floating across the sky.

“It’s just a plane. Come on.” He tried to yank the dog back toward the house. Buster planted his butt on the ground and whined.

I Got Ninja'd!

This week was WriteOnCon an online writer's conference for children's, MG and YA writers, that I coincidentally found out about on Monday. (Thank you Twitter!) WriteOnCon is a series of online sessions with agents, authors and editors as well as Q&A's. In addition, they have a huge forum where writers can get advice and post queries, synopsis, their first 250 words, and first five pages for critique from fellow writers. Seeing the interaction on the forum, I decided to make an attempt at a query letter and post it for critique, since I'd never written one before and was seriously dreading it. I started with a summary of my manuscript that I'd written prior to the Missouri Writer's Guild conference and was lucky enough to revise after getting five minutes with a very generous agent at the conference.

When I posted the query a few people critiqued it and I got some great advice. So I redrafted the query a few times to incorporate the feedback and reposted the new drafts. After yesterday people stopped posting feedback and my thread fell to page three. I figured most people wouldn't flip that far to critique so I stopped checking it and subscribed to the thread just in case. No biggie, I was glad some people took the time to comment.

But now onto the best part of the conference. Literary agents and editors patrol these forums under secret identities of the form Ninja Agent _____ . This afternoon, I read through the thread of people reporting in whether or not they "got ninja'd" and caught the eye of an agent. I congratulated those who did and thanked everyone for their critiques and reported in that I hadn't been ninja'd. About an hour later I received an email saying I had a reply to my query thread. As I scrolled through the email, I saw that not only had I been ninja'd, but that mystery Ninja Agent Rainbow had critiqued my query and given me some serious praise. Including the line:

Seriously, I love this premise and almost immediately began to wonder if you don't have the start of a really fun GN (Graphic Novel) on your hands.

 My jaw hit the floor. The only thing running through my mind was OMG OMG OMG HOLY FREAKING S#!T! DID THAT SERIOUSLY JUST HAPPEN? OMG OMG OMG. I think I read the note twenty times and I still hours later am not sure I read it right. Not only had an agent taken the time to read my query, they commented and critiqued it. And on top of it, said very very very nice things. Including that bit above which if I'm interpreting it right means, from my query alone they were already thinking about how to market my work. My heart was pounding out of my chest.

This is seriously one of the biggest highs in my life and it couldn't have come at a better time either. Just a week ago I was sitting at a table with a group of writers seriously doubting my work and wondering if what I had was unique enough to catch an agent's eye. Now I have my answer. And if this is what catching a agent's eye feels like, I don't ever want to doubt myself again. I will take this feeling any day of the week, even if it means I'm left completely speechless. Even though this is a small taste of what is hopefully to come **fingers crossed**, I'm glad I can now say 'So that's what that feel's like' and it's a feeling I'm not willing to let go of.

It's a Query Letter not a Ransom Note!

The fine art of querying sends many writers running for the hills or seeking shelter in a cave. For some reason it makes many of us cringe at the thought despite the fact that a query really is just more writing. So why do we all seem to hate it so much? Well, there are many things you can do to make the process less painful, and there's lots of tips on how to craft a good query if you know where to look.

I will preface by saying, although I have not sent out a formal query letter yet, I have spent many hours researching what makes a good query letter and follow many agents/editors on twitter that do #10queriesin10tweets. I have learned quite a lot about querying. In fact I've learned enough to know that if you have half a brain, pay attention to submission guidelines, and are polite and professional you are probably ahead of about 50% of the pack right off the bat. Crazy I know but it's true! A quick Google search is really all it takes and that's before you even consider the synopsis, writing, word count etc. of the manuscript being queried.

I will say if you are a writer that is querying or you are even thinking about querying at some point in the future, follow #10queriesin10tweets periodically, the information there is invaluable. It really puts things in perspective. In the hundreds of tweets to this hashtag I can count on one hand the number of requests for pages I've seen result from queries. And as discouraging as it sounds, to me it's simply not because of the common offenses I see committed when people query. 

Follow the submission guidelines

I'd say that the biggest thing that gets a 'no' is not following submission guidelines. Which is anything from querying a genre the agent doesn't represent, to not pasting in the first 10 or so pages, to sending attachments. By the way most agents hate attachments because it puts them at risk for a whole host of viruses and malware so they simply do not open them and often just reject the query. You don't open attachments from unknown senders, so why should they? (and if you do shame on you!)

Lack of plot/conflict

I also see a lot of rejections because the query letter fails to explain what the book is about and what the conflict is. Agents want to know why they should fall in love with your book but if you are just giving them a play by play then they don't need to read your book they already know what's going to happen. Avoid the and then, and then, and then syndrome in both your manuscript and your query.

Word Count

Word count isn't always a make or break but knowing your genre and a rough range you should fall in can save you a lot of headache. If you are way outside the estimated range, think long and hard before you query. And no don't go in thinking you are the exception to the rule, you most likely aren't. There are tons of posts about word count out there, so I will just say Google to find your genre and a good range for it.

Proofreading

An error or two in your query are not the end all be all, but if you query is littered with grammatical mistakes this tells the agent you don't know your craft. Would you send out a resume with a bunch of typos and expect to get a job? No! So make sure you proofread your query letter and get at least one other set of eyes on it to catch as many mistakes as possible.

Weak Writing

This I see a fair amount as well and this one is harder because it's often difficult to see fault in our own writing. Even if you have a critique partner or group, you sometimes don't know when you are done, ready to query and if you've done all that you can. And yes every writer should have at least one person they run their writing by that isn't a close friend or relative that will be honest and objective. So this one is tough to see, and usually means we as writers need to work more on our craft and continue to improve before we query. But the good news is, in most cases weak writing can be fixed.

Demands

Now these are the query notes that I usually laugh at when I see them on twitter. No you can't have a book deal and a film deal right off the bat, no you are not the next J. K. Rowling so you can't be a diva about your query, and no you shouldn't query your self published novel looking for an agent to make you more money. And then there was this one that I saw yesterday that made me flat out cringe.

Now I won't pretend to read the agent's mind here but I'm going to wager a guess that this query was possibly on the verge of having additional pages requested when the agent got to the demand of "6 figure advance." Not only did this writer shoot themselves in the foot but they cut their legs off, threw them in a river, and then tried to run a marathon. We as querying writers are in no position to make demands. Don't get me wrong there is a time and a place for some negotiations (and I use some generously) but not when you are querying.

The purpose of a query is to introduce yourself and your manuscript to an agent and see if they are interested in looking at more. Nothing more. You are selling yourself and your manuscript to the agent. So when you as a writer start making demands, you immediately become an undesirable person to work with. Publishing is a business and it's professional. Would you walk into your current boss' office and demand a six figure salary? No! So why are you doing it in a query letter?

So when I saw this tweet I cringed and nearly wanted to cry. In my experience most writers do it because they love the craft, love getting lost in the worlds they write and love spending time with the characters they create. In the beginning, most of us would be ecstatic just to see our name on the cover of a book that we wrote. The advance is nice but by and large we want to see our manuscript in print, out there in the world being enjoyed by others. Writing is not a get rich quick profession and if you think it is maybe you need to reevaluate your priorities. 

So remember this when you query: it's a query letter not a ransom note! You can't hold your manuscript hostage for unreasonable demands or you will never get anywhere in the publishing world. By all means wait for the right agent that gets your work, loves it like you do and has a good plan for how to revise and sell your work but don't be ridiculous.

The more I research the more I find that querying really isn't this huge elusive mystery. Writers tend to make the process way more complicated than it needs to be. Do your homework, write a well structured to the point query that has all the required information and query the right agents. We are writers so querying should be just like writing anything else, write, revise, perfect, execute, yet we tend to stress over the process. Yes the act of querying is stressful but actually writing the query shouldn't make us sweat so much. Take a deep breath, be polite and professional, follow the guidelines and put your best work forward. Eventually you will find the right place for your work.