Yesterday
I had the privilege of participating on a women in STEM panel at the FIRST
robotics competition. Surrounded by countless talented, smart, incredible, and
inspiring women we spoke to a room full of students and mentors about
supporting women in STEM. The room was packed with people who genuinely wanted
to know what to do to encourage women to pursue and stay in STEM fields. It was
also filled with the future of women in STEM. Bright young women who were
looking for advice and reassurance that this is the right path for them. And
while none of us had all the answers some great discussion and advice came from
the panel.
But
it wasn’t until a somewhat shy student in the fourth row raised her hand and
asked “how do I get recognized for my accomplishments in an
environment where others get recognition and I don’t?” that I realized how
important this panel really was. This question honestly stumped me for a
minute. I sat back and waited for some of the other panelists to answer. But as
I started to think about it, I realized this is at the root of women’s
struggles in STEM fields.
Women
in STEM are frequently in the minority. We often look around a room to find we
are the only woman there. It is extremely difficult for women to be heard and
taken seriously. We often get lost in the pack. It’s why Sheryl Sandberg’s book
Lean In has gotten so much attention.
As females we have to be a bit more proactive and make sure we are in the
conversation. We often have to step outside our comfort zone and make sure we
are heard.
This,
however, is not an idea that starts in the workplace. It starts early on in our
lives when we are students. Boys tend to get more recognition than girls,
especially when participating in STEM activities. I don’t think it’s something
that intentionally happens, but I do think there is a good reason for it. Guys
tend to be more open and up front about what they’ve done. They want everyone
to know what work they did and how well it went. Everything they do is a big
deal! It’s how they are wired. Girls tend to be more modest. Girls tend to think
people will notice what they are doing, and that they shouldn’t have to talk
about it. But in a room full of screaming people, often times accomplishments
get overlooked. And girls far more than guys second guess themselves about the lack of recognition.
We
are our own worst enemies. We are wired with this little voice in our head that
questions everything we do. We see people constantly doing what we are doing,
but we think they are doing it better. Then we see them get recognized for it
and wonder why we aren’t. After that the downward spiral starts. We begin to
question whether or not we are qualified to do this thing. We aren’t getting
recognized and clearly there are people better at it than us so what’s the
point?
And
when you have a voice in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough, it’s
really easy to walk away and stop doing it. It takes a really strong person to realize
that the voice is just that, a voice, and it is wrong. It takes an even stronger
person to stand up to that voice and say no I am good enough, I deserve to be
here, I can do this.
So
how do we help women develop the ability to combat this voice? How do we help
women find the affirmation they need to keep moving forward?
Simple
answer? We praise them when we see them doing awesome things.
The
more complex answer? We encourage them to speak up. That it’s okay to tell
people about their accomplishments. We let them know that with a room full of
people sometimes it’s hard to know what everyone is up to and that it’s
important to draw attention to accomplishments. A lot of guys have no problem
tooting their own horns, and girls should be right there with them.
But
there are more subtle ways to do this. Many women don’t feel comfortable
speaking up about what they’ve done. They are afraid of being a braggart and
that’s completely understandable.
What’s
a more subtle way to handle this? An accomplishment jar.
People
can put little notes inside about awesome things they see others doing or
things they themselves have accomplished. Participants can submit peers or
themselves. It’s a simple anonymous way to draw attention to accomplishments
without the fear of sounding like a braggart. Then the leader of the group can
read the slips periodically. It not only brings attention to what people are
accomplishing, but also makes the group want to watch those people in the
future. This means that the praise may start coming more immediately instead of
after the fact. That said, no matter when it comes, everyone likes to be recognized from time to time.
On
the flip side, it also takes realizing that you aren’t always going to get the
praise you deserve. And that sucks! BIG TIME. But there are going to be times
where you get recognition for things that you think aren’t really a big deal.
And it’s going to seem weird. But you take it and say thank you. Because it’s
the universe’s strange way of balancing everything out.
The long and short of all this, whether you are male or female doesn’t really
matter when it comes to praise. Everyone likes to hear they’ve done a good job.
None of us hear it quite enough. So go out there and make someone’s day by
telling them you appreciate what they do, and that they’ve done a good job. You
don’t know whose life you might be changing for the better.
Well this blog was excellent, so good job! ;) You are brilliant. I'm a huge fan of your brain.
ReplyDeleteI mean that. (Also, a braggart is a distant cousing of a boggart, right?) Love you, Jamie!
Aww thanks!
DeleteAnd haha yes, I think they are related ;)
What an insightful post! A lot to think about.
ReplyDeleteThanks! and yes there's lots to consider.
Delete