Dealing with Rejection

I've been rejected... A LOT. Nearly 150 times. And that's just querying. I've entered contests I haven't gotten into. I've gotten into contests and not gotten requests. I've gotten requests from contests that ultimately turned into rejections. And that's just my writing. That doesn't count the jobs I've been rejected for, auditions I've failed to get, leadership groups I haven't gotten into, awards I've been nominated for and didn't get and on and on. Rejections happens everywhere in life. It hurts. It shouldn't be personal, but it sure as shit feels like it sometimes.

I've watched people I've come up through the writing ranks with get agents, book deals, and see their books get published. I've cheered for them and helped them. I've watched people that started after me succeed. Get agents, get book deals, get published. I've cheered for them as well. I love watching people succeed. But that still doesn't change the fact that rejection hurts. A LOT.

I've watched people explain their path to success. Y person entered x contest 3 times and finally got in. (I did too and didn't). So and so got his or her agent on their third manuscript (I'm on my fourth, third that I'm looking at querying). That person got a book deal without an agent (I have no book deals.) and on and on. It's so hard to keep going when you feel like you're behind people. And it's even harder to not compare yourself to others.

I've been thanked in so many books I've lost count. I appreciate the recognition and I'm so glad I was able to help so many others succeed. But that doesn't change the fact that I have a goal. A goal to see my name on the cover of a book, to walk into a book store and see my book on the shelf, to sign books for excited readers, to get fan mail, and one day maybe some fan art for the characters and worlds I've created.

But every time my email goes off my heart sinks. Is this another rejection? Or maybe it's just email. And the silence hurts more. Did they even get my email? Are they ignoring me? Are they ever going to respond? Who even knows anymore. It all hurts so much sometimes.

As a look back on where I started though, that's where thing start to make a little sense. I made mistakes. LOTS OF THEM. I started my first book with someone waking up and staring at themselves in the mirror and describing themselves. I didn't even finish that book.

Then euphoria, I finished a book. I proved to myself I could do it. I researched querying and then the rejections started flowing in. No requests. I entered contests and didn't get in I researched some more. I entered more contests got into a couple. No requests. How embarrassing... I got more feedback and did more research and BAM some partial requests. I never made it to fulls.

Another idea, another manuscript. I proved to myself I could complete more than one. I entered contests I got interest, but didn't get in. Then I got into a contest and actually got requests... for fulls. And I queried and got more requests for partials and fulls. And then the rejections started rolling in. I didn't get much feedback and felt lost. How do I fix this? Is it subjective? Is there something else wrong? I got more feedback from CPS. I rewrote, I queried some more. Got some more requests that also ultimately turned into rejections. Still no usable feedback. I pushed the MS aside.

I wrote another manuscript. Hey I'm getting pretty good at this. I got some feedback. I edited. I entered a contest and wasn't picked. More hurt and pain and wondering what I'm doing wrong. The answer might be nothing. But my gut tells me there's something I'm missing.

So now what? More research? More feedback? Into the query trenches for ultimately more rejections? I have to go with my gut and dive in for more feedback. But what's even the point? I haven't achieved my goal, and I've watched so many others pass me up.

The journey. I've grown so much as a writer and if I'm being completely honest, writing has helped me grow as a person too. In each step I've learned something. I've gotten a little further down the road. I've met more amazing people. Will my next manuscript be the one? Who even knows? But I have a choice, leave the path forever and never reach my goals, or continue down it and see where it takes me.

I'm the curious type so I'm going to continue down the path. And one day, maybe, I might see my dreams come true. I might get to hold that book with my name on the cover. And to me that image makes it all worth it.

Until then, I keep wandering along the path. Will you join me?

Writing Contests Aren't Everything

I know we all get excited when we see writing contests that give us the opportunity to get our work in front of agents. I mean how cool would it be to get an agent through a contest? But I've got news for you. As great as contests are, they aren't the end all be all. They aren't the only path to finding an agent.

Contests are great learning experiences don't get me wrong. And you can meet loads of awesome writers, so by all means enter away. But make sure when you do, you don't agonize over them too much. Put all that energy into shining up your query, polishing your pages, absorbing all the writing tips you can, and building an awesome network of writers and critique partners.

Cause here's the thing, even if you make it into a contest and get in front of the agents, you might still come up empty. I've been there, all excited someone saw promise in my work only to get zero requests from the agents in the contest. It sucks, but rejection if part of the business.

So how is it possible that you busted your butt to get into a contest and then you get no requests? I have a theory, certainly subjectivity and marketability come into play here and what one person loves someone else might not, but sometimes it's a matter of who's involved. Sure you should be thoroughly researching the agents in contest before you enter to make sure a good chunk of the agents are looking for what you have. That said, when you're in a contest you're stuck with that limited set of agents.

On the other hand, when you query, you take control over who you submit to. You have the opportunity to show you've done your homework and to personalize your submission to each agent you send to. Many agents request pages in their submission guidelines and do read them which can also be to your benefit to submit more than just 250 words. (Yes, you should be able to hook someone in 250 words, but some agents are more forgiving than others if they see something there.) And you definitely get to submit your query, whereas in many contests you are limited to a short pitch. Sure, there's merit in being able to boil your book down to a sentence, but sometimes you need more real estate to really let your voice, and the unique aspects of your book shine.

The other advantage querying gives you is time. You can send them out in batches see how things go and reevaluate if needed. In contests it's a one shot deal. The submission windows are short, the contests don't usually last long, and you are often stuck showing agents what you sent in (although some contests have a rework/resubmit period it usually is on a tight deadline.) But when you query, you get rejections, and sometimes personalized feedback, and then you can take as much time as you need to perfect your submission package for the next round. Finding an agent is a marathon not a sprint so take every opportunity you can to perfect your work.

Another thing to consider about contests is there's a limited number of people selected. It's a firm number and a lot more people are going to enter than will actually get in. But if you query, an agent (or qualified intern) will see your work. And while they can only take on a limited number of clients, if they are open to queries, they are open to new clients. There's little limit to the number of requests they can make (other than reading time), and they can take on as many clients as they think they can adequately handle. So querying in many ways gives you a much larger window of opportunity.

So all that said, try not to stress too much about contests. I know easier said than done, we all stress over them, myself included, but take a minute and breathe. If you make it into a contest great! Congrats, someone saw something awesome in your work. If you get requests, even better you rock! But if you don't get requests or don't make it in, that doesn't mean your stuff isn't awesome or that someone didn't think your writing is good. Sure we all need to work on our craft, no one is perfect. But shine that sucker up and get into the query trenches. When the world shuts a door on you, go find a window to open. Cause let's face it, climbing out of windows is way more fun anyway. ;)

Why the Numbers Don't Matter

Many writers enter contests wanting to know how many submissions there are and what their odds are of getting in. I totally get it. As an engineer I love the numbers game. I love to know the percent chance I have. But here's the thing, in writing contests the number of entries doesn't matter. Let me repeat, THE NUMBER OF ENTRIES DOESN'T MATTER!

I know it's utter blasphemy, but it's true and here's why. When you enter a contest, it's not about the numbers, it's about putting your best work forward. The same as when you query. We don't tend to worry about the number of queries an agent receives so why would we worry about the number of contest entries? Maybe it's because there's a finite number of entries and queries are never ending. But one way or another it shouldn't matter. The reason? Because the goal is to present your most polished manuscript and pitch possible, and to follow the submission guidelines exactly. That's it. If you do that guaranteed your ahead of the pack both in contests and in the slush pile.

That said there's another element in querying and contests that comes hugely into play, subjectivity. The numbers could be in your favor, but if someone doesn't like your submission it wont matter. It sucks but it's the hard truth. You can't control subjectivity, so stop stressing over it! Your manuscript could be error free and you could be one of ten people vying for nine spots but if the contest judge, or agent doesn't resonate with your voice or story concept, that's enough to put the odds out of your favor. The fact of the matter is, not every story is right for every agent, reader, contest, mentor, critique partner, etc. And that's perfectly okay. There's isn't just one path to success, so if one isn't working try another.

I know we like the numbers and we often find solace in them. We feel like it's something we have some sense of control over in a situation we have very little. It's comforting to know the odds. Sadly, knowing them wont change a thing. The best we can do is follow the rules and submit our cleanest, most edited work. We keep learning and growing as writers and one day, we might be that one in a hundred or one in a thousand or even one in a million. But it will be because we worked hard and kept going, not because of the numbers.

What I've learned from Writing Contests

Over the past month, I've entered a couple of writing contests that involved the possibility of agent requests. Even though I started out with a lot of heartbreak, I learned quite a bit. In fact, I think I learned the most from all the negative feedback. And even though it's hard to hear, okay more than hard, it's gut wrenching, tear inducing, self doubt filled with stress, it's important to consider the critiques seriously. The knowledge gained can mean the difference between good writing and stand out writing.

The supportive nature of the writer community
This is actually something I learned long before I had a finished manuscript, but entering into contests really reinforced this. There is nothing better in the world than having your fellow writers there to root you on and being able to do the same for them in return. Knowing that someone has your back and is on the crazy train right alongside you makes the journey feel a little less daunting. Writers might all be crazy, but finding that same level of insanity in your fellow writers makes it much easier to continue on. The positive reinforcement is what gives you the ability to brush yourself off and keep on writing despite wanting to drop everything and quit. Having writers struggle with you and cheer you on makes the lonely craft feel a lot less so. And in entering contests, I've met some truly amazing writers.

The domino effect
More often than not while reviewing my own entry as well as others, I'd see one person mention an issue in an entry. The next thing I knew, there would be chain reaction of additional comments alluding to the same problem. I thought long and hard about why this was, especially when it was happening to me, because it felt like I was getting ganged up on. All it took was one person identifying an issue, and that opened the flood gates for others to see the same problem. While it seems like everyone jumping on the bandwagon that's not actually what's happening. It goes back to the whole idea that people can often spot a problem in a piece of writing but they can't always identify the cause. In a group setting however, one person mentioning the driver of the issue is enough. Everyone else that comes after, has a name for it right in front of them. The very name they may not have known had the person before them not mentioned it first.

Early on I blamed the domino effect on the open critique setting, saying it's so easy to just point out what other people are already mentioning. But really I was doing myself an injustice. Unfortunately, I didn't realize what was going on until it stopped happening. In all honesty, the domino effect doesn't happen when the issue isn't present. When you've corrected a problem, you might see one comment that doesn't seem to match the others and this is because of the subjective nature of the craft. But when you see everyone jumping on board, it's cause to stop and take a deeper look at what people are picking up on in your entry. As difficult as it is to hear, you probably have an issue that needs to be fixed.

What did others do right (or wrong)
In looking through entries that moved forward, I learned quite a bit. While they weren't always grammatically perfect and they often broke rules, they had something about them that made me want to read on. It could have been anything from an interesting concept to a character I wanted to know more about. The entries grabbed my attention in an authentic way and took me for a ride in the story, leaving me wanting more than want was on the page.

It's also equally important to see what mistakes others make. In critiquing other entries, I was often able to identify issues that I might not have otherwise been able to see. I developed a highly critical editing eye that I could turn onto my own writing. With common mistakes in mind, I could use them improve my entry.

Finding your voice (and being yourself)
Writers hear about the importance of voice all the time, but for me, it's been one of the hardest things to understand. There isn't a concrete definition of voice, or not one that I can find. I do however know, that when something has voice, you sit up straight and take notice of the words on the page. And when writing doesn't have voice, it can look phoney. I know because my first couple of contest entries were exactly that, phoney. I'd tried to use a gimmick to get people's attention and while it did grab the readers eye, it also created confusion and hesitancy, which is the last thing you want. And the worst part about it was, I knew I was doing it and didn't want to stop. The problem is, when you try to fool your reader into your story they take notice pretty quickly. As a writer you are far better off being yourself, and letting your writing show that. No amount of gimmicks, shocking lines, or other tricks are going to do that for you until you find your own true voice. It's not an easy journey but if you are true to yourself your voice will come out.

Starting in the action (or with what really matters)
This is another thing writers are constantly told but not something I didn't fully understood until I entered contests. I thought I was as close to the action as possible, but I soon found out how wrong I was. While I had whittled down my opening very close to the inciting incident, I still wasn't quite there yet and it showed. When they say start with the important scene, they mean it. They don't mean start the day before, the hour before, or even the minute before, they mean throw your character into what makes them special, and make every word that describes it count. If you are saying well if you just read to page x you'll see what's happening, or on page x you really get to the good stuff, then you are starting in the wrong place.GUARANTEED! If the "good stuff" is on page x, why wouldn't you start there? If that's what you want people to read, put it right in front of them starting on page 1.

The importance of perseverance
The process of finding an agent is grueling. It's a downright emotional roller coaster. Making it to the next round in a writing contest is no different. And no lies, I wanted to give up during some of these contests, sometimes as frequently as multiple times a day. If it wasn't for some amazingly encouraging critique partners, I might have. And if I had I wouldn't be in the agent round of the latest contest I entered. In fact, I had submitted multiple variations of my query and first page when I finally broke through the barrier, and it was because I never stopped trying. I took the advice I was given to heart, I thought about it, and I applied it to my writing. After countless revisions to my query and first page, so many in fact that I lost count, I finally have something that works, that I'm happy with, and that is true to me as a writer, as well as my story. I learned from each revision, improved my craft, and it paid off. So if you take the feedback seriously, and keep trying, you can do it.

Entering contests is not easy. It's difficult to put yourself out there. Even worse it's hard to learn you might not be ready, or you might not have the right starting spot in your story when you think you do. But contests can be great resources of information and feedback if you are open to the advice and willing to apply it. The things you learn can be invaluable. What have you learned about your writing from entering contests?